It’s another installment of what will hopefully be many monthly letters written to my son, August. It’s a part of an attempt to capture these glimpses into the everyday and the not so ordinary moments that pass by so quickly as children grow.

Dear bouncing baby boy,

I can’t believe you are coming up on nine months old already! It’s truly incredible.

This month we made our first visit to the doctor for an illness with you. I felt so much as though I had managed to break you – that I had waited just too long for a cold to clear that it had gotten worse and I had completely broken you. It’s when the brain part of my brain knows, KNOWS, that this is a thing that happens. Kids get sick, and it was no doing of my own that lead to this trip needing to happen. But the emotional part of my brain felt as though I had failed. Failed in my mothering, failed in my partner-role as parent, and most of all failed you. That tug-of-war is brutal. In the end, of course, the antibiotics and the nebulizer did their tricks and you have been feeling fantastic ever since. It’s a huge learning curve for us all, sweet one.

What’s becoming so evident and is still so amazing, is your personality shining through everything that comes at you. You are calm, you are happy, you are chatty and personable and just filled to the brim with your own unique curiosity. Another month into this adventure of being your mom, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Love always and always,

Mama